I became a nurse at age 29, and that’s when I realized that mental illness was an epidemic…it wasn’t only me! While working in a clinic for a few years, I saw that more patients than not, were prescribed medication for either depression, anxiety and many cases both. THANK GOD, I thought! Most of my patients are fucked up too! As sad as that sounds, it was exactly how I felt. However, it took me three years to bite my pride and ask for meds.
I was started on a medication and for the next 9 years, I would try one med, and when I’d realize that that one didn’t work, I’d try a new one. This happened four times. Eventually, I gave up on meds all together, but by age 41 I was tired, extremely depressed and I just wanted to die. Then one day while visiting a friend, she suggested I try the same meditation that she was on. “ To be honest”, I told her “I am sooo done with medications, because I really feel it is hopeless.” A few weeks later, I was a blubbering mess in a very dark place, when I caved. I drove to my doctor’s office.
Now, before you go thinking that I’m suggesting meds, I want you to know that I’m neither for or against it! That’s a subjective situation and only you can know what is right for you.
EUREKA!!! Three days later I understood what it felt like to feel “normal!” Well, somewhat…kinda…normal! I wanted to get up on my rooftop and scream it to the world! “DON’T GIVE UP!” I had NEVER known this blissful feeling!
This continued for about 10 years, but unfortunately the meds started to become less and less effective. My biggest fear had come true. However, I am so thankful to have had 10 years of relative stability, allowing me to be in a state of mind that I could reflect, learn and strengthen. So, here I am today, not on any treatments, but learning how to cope in ways I never thought possible. Sure, I still have bad days, but I’m way more successful at turning those days around than I ever thought I’d be.
Let’s face it, this is a lifetime illness, so we had better find whatever best helps us to get through another day! We are all survivors, so I invite you to be part of my continued journey as I share some personal stories, as well as simple methods that will help you to live your very best life! Let’s cheer each other on, hold each other’s virtual hands, and grow together!
peace and love,